December 2009
His voice is lovely and so ridiculously closely related to Ben Gibbard’s. It’s quite wonderful.
I agree with Eon
2009. WORST. YEAR. EVER. PERIOD.
You told her you’re scared to give too much of yourself to me because you’re leaving at the end of next year. Looks like you really got in over your head. Tonight you screwed up your whole “not giving too much of yourself to me”. I don’t know what you’re doing anymore. Or what I’m supposed to do. But this is like torture.
Tonight makes me stomach churn...
A piece of YOU for a piece of ME
Barely 4 hours of sleep and my body refuses to sleep any later than 10:30. I was up all night. Tossed and turned all night. Stomach ached all night. Didn’t think about it much during the night though, I tried to keep my mind occupied. I know I’m not a patient person but I CAN wait. But not under these circumstances. Not like this. This is almost torture—tearing apart my limbs...
Being hurt isn’t fun. And no, no one wants to ever be hurt by someone else, but you can’t let fear stand it your way just because your afraid of getting hurt. What’s life if no one takes chances? Numbing yourself will only make you feel dead. Pain keeps me on my toes, keeps me alert. I don’t know if that’s the same for you…or anyone else…but sometimes I...
Chad, I wish you were here right now…I really need you to be here. I feel dumb for ever second guessing everything you ever went through. I understand it now. I don’t know how I could have ever been so stupid to think that you could never hurt. Some people fear pain more than anything on this earth and will do anything to avoid it…why can’t some just endure it? Pains the...
Stay with me….this is what I NEED….please….
I can’t do this tonight.
Hookah bar. These are my best friends. Ever. And they’re the most beautiful people I know.
Play me to sanity.
I didn’t realize how much this was going to bother me until I really sat down and thought about it. I mean, it would be a whole lot different if you would have left and not hung around with him while he did it. You can’t go around trying to lead people to God and then sit in a cooped up room while the people you’re with smoke marijuana around you. YOU inhaled it. YOU got high...
An unhappy Kelsey is never a good Kelsey. I lost all of my contacts in my phone. I have no patients today. No one will text me and send me their numbers. So I still have no numbers in my phone. I need a nap. I hate dealing with nasty customer service over the phone (I was about to reach through and strangle the woman). But my debit card is now set up, thank God. Now it’s time to sit some...
Got my answer. This is DEFIANTLY NOT where I’m called to be. I never thought it would be, but I had to check, just to make sure.
I don’t feel very good this morning. My nose is stuffed and so is my head, and my body aches. I’m not getting sick, my allergies are just killing me.
So I couldn’t sleep last night, so at 3 in the morning I accidently locked up my sim card because it kept asking me to put in a PUK code, and I have no idea what the heck that is. So I’m not sure how to fix that or what...
It’s clear that you don’t want to talk to me this evening. I guess I can say I’m fine with that, but I think you’re angry with me. I simply tried to make a clear point of how I can’t spend every waking moment with people because I don’t want to get sick of them. And especially you. I don’t wanna get sick of you, ever. But I think you took it wrong when I...
I kiss him like it’s going to take it away—like it’s going to make him better, or something. I’d gladly get sick, if it meant him getting better. I hate seeing him like this. I’d take it away if I could. He’s the most pitiful child ever when he’s sick. I’m cool as a cucumber, and he has a temperature over 100. That’s not fair. I wanna take his temperature away and make it go back down to 96.3. I...
You CAN’T stop writing. It’s one of the most important things to me, and the one thing that I know is always gonna be there. It helps me know that there’s other people out there with the same human emotions. It lets me know how my twin is. And most importantly, it lets me know how much of a crazy, excellent writer my best friend is. I don’t know what’s exactly going...
Sometimes.
good things just….happen.
I’ll never understand why god works in such mysterious ways, or how great his plans are. It’s all in God’s hands. This is nothing that I could have ever imagined. But lately, God’s showed me the greatest friends. One who I particularly didn’t like upon meeting last year—which she happens to be an absolute doll and is now one of...
So I’ve literally tried changing everything in my life around, trying to get back on the right path. My faith is always the first thing to take backseat to the world, and I don’t want it to be that way. I want the world in the backseat until the day that I die. Not saying that I’m never going to screw up, but I’m getting that strong faith back. This is everything...
I feel like I should stop writing on here completely. It seems that I’m the cause of everything that’s gone wrong lately. I don’t believe my posts are helping that matter either. So.
Put me to sleep and don’t let me wake up.
I hate seeing you hurt. And I don’t know what I can do to help you. I don’t really have any idea what’s going on right now, but it sucks to think of you upset.
Tonight was a major kick to the stomach. I dread next year, more than I’ve ever dread anything in my entire life. If time could stop now, I’d never let it...
This weekend was one of those weekends that is absolutely undescribable. I got close to the most amazing person ever, watched her give her life to God and deal with the temptations of every day life, as she’s trying to turn her life around. This past week has been compeltely overwhelming. Everything is just happening. And it’s happening for a reason.
As I sat on the edge of her bed...
Hey God, I’m not ready to fall this fast. Can you help me? Please. If this is where you want me to be, I’m going to need a lot of help. I’m scared. Maybe I think too much. But things are just falling into place too quickly and there’s not enough time to wrap my head around it. I know I only have one year; I technically only have until August of next year. I don’t...
“You are beautiful, you know that?” Hey, why don’t you just make my heart melt out of my body, kay?
Go listen to Freedom Is Here by Hillsong. I feel like dancing. Not a fast happy dance, just a full spirit dance; with my arms raised high and my voice screaming out. “Everything comes alive in my life, as we lift you up”. Things have been wonderful lately. There aren’t enough words to explain how good things feel. Things just feel right. I’ve become such an emotional...
Hey Eon, I really miss you. You’ve seemed really distraught lately, and that makes me extraordinarily sad. I love you! I hope this make you feel better.
I called it this morning with my facebook status. “Today’s going to be perfect.” Thank you God. :) I can’t spill my guts out on tumblr only because it’d be extremely obvious, and I don’t want that to happen. So. Until I’m ready to do that.
Last night I slept soundly, only waking up just long enough to remember my dreams, then drifting back to sleep, only to have similar dreams as the first. I dreamt of you. Never in my life has your face been in my dreams, but last night there were two. I held you so tightly in my arms as you locked yours around my waist. I snuggled up against you feeling the warmth of you through my clothes....
He makes me feel good about myself, like I’m not so alone. He makes everything feel like it’s getting better. He makes me feel like a little girl inside, so I try to hide my shyness with my loud mouth. I can’t look him in the eye too long because I get too nervous. I push people away too much, but I don’t want to do that with him. I can’t ever let myself do that. He...
I don’t feel the need to be discrete. “And how, when you lose the one thing you love There’s nothing below and there’s nothing above It’s hard to accept what you don’t understand And it’s hard to launch without knowing how to land And how, when it burns, you can’t change a thing You can soften the blow, but you can’t stop the sting I am still yours even if you’re not mine I stare at...
Everything has been so stressful lately. School. My job. Personal life. I don’t even know what sane in any more. Tonight I was so frustrated, to the point of tears, that I ended up in the walk-in-cooler at my job for 10 minutes having a melt down The sad thing was is that I was still clocked in, and still had work to do. But I couldn’t pull myself together. The harder I tried to calm...
“This is where I start to miss you, more than I can bear, I HATE this distance in between us, I don’t think it’s fair…” -The Spill Canvas
Rip my heart out already, I beg of you. It’s hanging on by an indestructible thread. Stop poking at it, just go ahead and get rid of it. You’re killing me. The silence kills me. The awkward glances. The distance....
I think I’m moving up in the world. He almost picked up my highlighter cap when it fell on the floor. But someone had to snatch it up before he did. No joke. So what, big deal….right? No, that IS a big deal. You have no idea…